counting sheep

stumbling through the dark hall way to my room I rub my eyes as I reach for the door. I grasp the handle and the door swings open. my eyes fixate on my bed in the center of the room. the mountain of clothing that rests on top is the only thing blocking me from jumping in and closing my eyes for the night. a trail of dirty clothes, socks  and shoes guide me to the already drawn blankets. I shove the clothes to the other side of the bed as I throw myself on to the cushiony soft mattress and the cool pillows.
it is not until now that I realize how cold my room is, I crawl under all seven blankets that coat my bed. I soon take the fetal position and hold my body tight. for the first time in a really long time my mind is seemingly blank. I hope I will actually fall asleep tonight. I hope that in a few short seconds I will be in a deep slumber, nothing will be able to wake me.
seconds grow to minutes. long minutes. the chill that fills my room is slowly waking me up. I try counting sheep. I try clearing my now racing thoughts. I tell myself it is not actually cold. I have seven blankets. it can not be cold. I tell my brain how badly I want it to shut up. I tell it how much sleeping would mean to me.
I want to know what time it is, it feels like I have lied awake for hours. i'm exhausted but the cool room and thoughts refuse to leave me alone. I hesitate looking at my phone to check the time. knowing that the bright screen will only make my eyes open wider. I grab the phone, holding it, debating whether or not to check the time. is it worth it? I fall to temptation and the bright screen is more alarming to my eyes than expected. it has been a long three minutes since I closed my eyes and tried letting the night take me.
I place the phone on my bed side table reminding myself how badly I wanted to sleep. trying to convince myself that if I shut my eyes and count the sheep again the voices will soon silence an the cold will become bearable.
I close my eyes.
my alarm goes off.  I quickly reach to silence  the loud obnoxious tone . I can finally feel the warmth of the blankets I am now cocooned in. the warmth of my bed refuses to let me escape, my sleepy self can't help but agree. my slumber wasn't nearly as deep as i hoped for.  I stretch my arms just like in the movies and roll out of bed. i stumble across the floor all i can think about is when i can try again.
try and fall asleep tonight. i begin to think of crawling back into bed and starting the dreadful yet appealing task of falling asleep all over again.

-Dorothy Breeze