i don't know what love is.

maybe i am just being dramatic.

but when will i ever catch a break?

i am positive i have never been in love.

i can only imagine what it is like.

i am young and naive.

i once thought i had fallen in love. 

but like a lot of things... it...whatever it was ended and life went on.

those who have been in love say it is like falling. 

that life could never be the same. 

like honey.

like sweet music.

sharp sticks an painful bruises. 

like your favorite things. all in one.

often times hurtful but beautiful. 

i don't know what love is. 

i can only imagine. 

when i think of falling in love all i think of is literally falling. 

off a cliff.

out of a plane.

off a bike. 

out of a roller coaster. 

tripping. 

sometimes off a chair too. 

whatever it is. it hurts. 

my knees get scrapped.

my head pounds.

and my stomach feels twisted.

i don't even know if i want to fall in love. 

i was only 16 years old. my first year of high school was starting in less than a month. 

we had hung out nearly everyday of that summer. 

those short summer months flew by for us, but to our friends it had felt like years. 

they were ready for whatever this was to be over. 

it was almost ten pm. the air was warm and the grass was cool. 

we walked slow, taking in every moment we had to ourselves. 

as we walked through the school yard gate i felt the butterflies and the tingling in my stomach.

our hands were held tight and our minds were left to wonder.

as we stood close to the gate and each other, my heart pounded so hard i worried he'd feel it. 

our shaky arms held one another close.

i pursed my lips hard on his neck and took in a deep breath.

i had promise my mom i wouldn't kiss someone until i was a senior. 

at the time it didn't seem so impossible. 

before i knew it our lips were locked.

we were actually kissing.

as quickly as we had come together we pulled apart to question if it had been real. 

only to push our lips against each others for a few short seconds. 

we slowly walked out hand in hand.

that night was the first of many.

two years filled with questioning and meeting up in the same school yard.

was this love?

i don't think so. 

although it felt nice. 

someone holding you close.

surrendering their thoughts and feelings to you. 

i don't think it was love.

although i loved it.

i don't think it was love.

i fell hard. both my heart and sole ached. 

my knees were scrapped and my head hurt.

my stomach was twisted.

i was sad and confused.

i was upset and full of regret. 

did i love him or was it all fake?

does falling in love mean the same to two people "in love"? 

i don't think so. 

i don't think love is what we always hope it to be.

 -Dorothy Breeze