do they not know me?

i told my parents i was going to color my hair purple. 

they told me that dying it an unrealistic "in your face" hair color would lead to regrets.

tattoos. multiple piercings. sex. drugs. a lack of goals. no career. hell.

the only thing i regret is telling them. 

i have lived in the same house my whole life. 

i have never spent more than a week away from my family. 

and yet they still don't know me. 

they know i love sponge bob, pizza pringles, popcorn, the walking dead, candy, writing, and not doing my homework. 

but what they don't know is how much i love learning.

how much i want to accomplish in life.

that by coloring my hair purple does not mean i am going to throw my life away.

i'm angry at my parents. 

for a lot of things.

i'm angry at them for not being proud of me. 

i'm angry at them for not thinking i can handle what life throws at me.

i'm angry at them for "joking" i wont graduate.

i'm angry at them for not taking the time to get to know me.

i'm angry at them for not being parents this last year.

i'm angry at them for not being there for me when i needed them.

i know they love me. but they don't always show it.

they laugh when i try to tell them what i am interested in.

i stopped counting how many times they told me i needed to grow up or how often they belittled me. 

because it became too much.

they don't know how much i want their attention.

they don't know how much i want them to be proud of me.

they don't know how much i want them to love me.

they don't know how much i wish they could just accept me.

i feel alone. and not the good kind where you are left to think and fix your problems.

but the alone where you tie your problems to your heart. 

the alone that controls you. 

the alone that hurts. 

do they not see this?

do they not see how hurt i am?

do they just not care?

-Dorothy Breeze