I'm Tired. I'm Disappointed.

my fingers are numb and my head is killing. days are becoming routine and nights seem shorter and days feel never ending. sleeping has to be scheduled like work and hanging out with friends has to be planned. I tell myself I have to study and it's only one more month but before I know it, its the next morning in first period and i'm telling my teacher another lame excuse as to why I didn't do the assignment. Homework is just busy work and assignments don't seem real. my grades are anywhere from a B- to two F's, a C-, D+ and NC.  I'm exhausted and my parents only talk to me to get me out of bed and remind me that graduating is a  necessity *like I don't already know that*. I'm tired. but I am also really disappointed in myself. it feels like I wasted my senior year on Netflix, and wanting to stay home or on petty fights, stupid boys and procrastination. 

I thought I was going to be one of the class favorites and I was going to love writing on my blog and I would devote all my time to reading posts and putting my pen to paper and just letting my feeling flow out. I thought that because my mom, English teacher and best friends loved what I wrote that I was going to be a natural in this class. but I let my procrastination, my teen angst, lazy and disinterest in all things high school get in the way and now I hate myself and i'm trying but it seems like i'm too far behind to catch up.

I told myself this post had to be good. it had to impress and it had to be real and it needed to be funny and it had to have killer poetic lines in it and then I just started complaining and feeling bad for myself and its getting long and it doesn't sound good. I'm rambling. I'm tired. I'm disappointed.